Change

   Do you ever find it hard to understand someone? It's like, no matter how hard you try to take note of who they are, you can't. I find myself clashing with one person, but I think it happens from lack of understanding. She has her mindsets; I have mine, but neither one of us are always open to compromise. We are both very strong minded. I have this "thing" where if you tell me not to do something or tell me to do something in an unpleasing way, I will add fuel to the flames by doing the opposite. I am the type of person who likes revenge, who fights fire with fire. I don't like to back out of battles unless I have won, and I can hold a grudge longer than I will live. I guess that can make me hard to approach or deal with, but it's not something that can be easily changed. I grew up this way, and I was molded into my personality. Change isn't simple, and the same could be said from the other side. She is the complete opposite of me. She likes organization; I don't.  I prefer piles and a little clutter otherwise I get stressed out and uncomfortable. She is picky, but I look at most things and say "Eh, Good enough?" We are constantly butting heads, sometimes I think we purposely drive each other insane. At least I do.
   Anyway, if you are the one I am talking about out there reading this( you will know who you are), I'm sorry. The reason I am saying this on here and not to your face is because it's not easy. I have never been able to put my words anywhere else than in writing. So I hope that you will see this someday. If not, well oh well. Just remember, I as much as I am trying to understand you, I hope you try the same for me. I know I am complicated, but I promise you are too. I am trying, and keep that in mind. Telling me to try harder does NOT fix anything. It makes me try less, and if I try less, I'm scared you will too. And yes, I AM SCARED. I'm scared that we will someday lose hope in each other. You are an amazing person, and I want you in my life. I know sometimes I say that I don't, but that's how I am in the heat of things. I get worked up and shut down. Whenever you get mad at me, I shut down. Not because I am mad(although it does cause it a little), because I am hurt. I don't like when you say I don't try, I am incapable, or you tell me you give up. I don't want you to give up, because that means I would have to give up.
   I don't like to give up, especially on things that I care about. So please understand that I DO recognize that you are changing, and I know it is selfish of me to wish you could change faster. I know I need to change too, and note that I am trying. Everyday is a new day for me to try. Everyday is a chance for me to learn. You take my failures and treat them like failures. I take them and hold them from a different level. I see them as opportunities to learn and change, but when you treat them the way you do I can't. It makes it harder for me to learn and see the good when you constantly bring up the bad. Let this be the start of a new beginning. Let this symbol my growth and my change. Now can we take this and start learning, growing, and changing together as a team?